Raspberry Road

I’m sad. Heavy inside. It hurts. My heart hurts.

I’m tired. So tired all day long. Oh it’s hard.

I have lots to do. Lots I really really want to do. I’m in the middle of really big events. That won’t happen again. and some days I can’t do it. I just can’t. It’s too much to get up. To do anything. A whole day feels wasted. I try to be patient with myself. It hurts. I’m depressed. I want to cry and scream and get over this. Get it out of me. I don’t want it anymore.

It’s so lonely. It’s just heavy. The ache inside. Why. I make myself get up and eat. Get dressed. Keep going. Just keep swimming I tell myself. Over and over. Don’t stop. The theme from girls camp is taking care of me. I say it over and over.

It’s too hard. I hate this. I hate being slow and hurting. Mentally. Physically. sit in it. Wait for it to pass. To let up.

I love you Julie. It’s ok to not be ok. You are loved.