Raspberry Road

August 26, 2026

I miss Ren. I’ve never been away from him his whole life. I remember feeling these same feelings when we dropped off Cole at the mtc, when we said goodbye to Eric at the airport, and when Ella got married and moved into her own place. I miss them. I’ve never been away from them.

I sat in Ren’s room tonight. I just wanted to be in there. To feel him. I’m feeling depressed. More than usual. I keep thinking it will get better, but it’s not. I’m no longer that mom, with kids in the house. They were my life. My purpose. My complete entertainment. And work. They needed me. They included me.

I miss him. It hurts. He must be hurting too. All alone so far away. He must miss us and everything here. I just hurt tonight. I felt it and sat in it and let it pass through me. I love him. So much.

I’m so grateful for my memories of being a mother. Having little kids and watching them grow. Enjoying them. Such beautiful memories. How lucky I am.